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What stood out to me with Tomas was not a dramatic change, but the steady way he allowed himself to stay in the process, even when it felt uncomfortable.
A Return After Relapse
Tomas had done rehab before. A full three months in South Africa, not that long ago. He’d completed it, stayed sober — for a while. Left with hope. But less than two weeks later, he was using again. That kind of quick relapse can break a person, or harden them. Tomas, somehow, stayed open. Not optimistic, exactly. Just real. He didn’t come in with big plans this time. What he did bring was a kind of quiet urgency. Like something had shifted — not in theory, but in him.
He didn’t walk through the doors trying to prove anything. He looked tired — but not checked out. I don’t think he was looking for some emotional breakthrough or the perfect therapist. He just knew something had to change, and soon. There was this edge to him — not angry, not cold. Just raw. Like someone who’d stopped pretending they had more time.
Honest About His Struggles
He was honest about the temper. Said it had cost him more than he liked to admit. And he didn’t dramatize that — which is what made it land. You could tell he wasn’t proud, but he wasn’t burying it either. That was the thing about him — he never tried to spin his story. It just came out as it was.
Settling Into Routine
In the first few weeks, he kept close to routine. He wasn’t withdrawn, but he didn’t insert himself either. He showed up, did the sessions, asked questions — sometimes the kind that don’t have tidy answers. He wasn’t looking for magic tools. He just needed to test whether he could stay steady.
Some of the practices — meditation, breathwork, journaling — didn’t come naturally. I remember him looking a little skeptical during the first few mindfulness sessions. But he didn’t walk out. Didn’t roll his eyes. He stuck with it. And over time, the resistance softened. Not because it started working like a charm — but because he realized his usual methods weren’t working at all.
Small but Real Changes
There was a point — maybe around week three — when you could feel something shift. Not dramatically. Just in how he started paying attention to others. How he stopped bracing every moment. How his posture changed — looser shoulders, slower breathing. He wasn’t “healed.” He was just more here.
Family Sessions From Afar
The family sessions… those were hard. His mother and sister called in from the Netherlands. At first, it felt like everyone was waiting for someone else to make the first move. His sister barely spoke. His mother looked like she was holding her breath the entire time.
But Tomas kept showing up to those calls. No showmanship. No guilt trips. Just… present. That consistency — that quiet willingness to sit in the awkward — it mattered. Slowly, something opened. His sister started asking real questions. His mom shared memories she hadn’t brought up in years. Nothing dramatic happened, but the space between them started to feel less brittle.
Choosing to Stay Longer
Around week six, he decided to stay longer. Ten weeks instead of six. He said he didn’t want to leave with things half-done. And it showed — not just in his words, but in how he moved through his days. He wasn’t counting down. He was working.
By then, he’d also started connecting more with others in the group. Not by being loud, but by being steady. When someone else shared something heavy, he didn’t interrupt or offer advice. He just nodded — or said something plain, like, “Yeah, I get that.” And people listened, because it felt true.
A Quiet Departure, A Steady Presence
He left without any big send-off or declarations. Just a plan, a notebook full of small goals, and a commitment to keep trying. Not perfectly — just honestly.
Now, months later, he still checks in from time to time. It’s never long emails or dramatic updates. Usually just a short note: still showing up. Still sober. Still trying.
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